"Anything Worth Doing...

...is worth working for." - My Mama

I can't tell you how many times I heard this phrase growing up. When things would get tough, I could always count on my mom to faithfully recite it to me, reminding me that, "if it were easy, anyone could do it" (another one of her phrases).

And I believe these things are true. Not that some "easy" tasks aren't necessary, and therefore should be undertaken with devotion and commitment, but more that things that are difficult shouldn't be cast aside just because they take a little work.

But one facet of this phrase that we never really explored growing up is, is everything that is difficult really worth doing? What about things that consume us, take up an immense amount of time and energy, but - in the end - really aren't that important? And as I grow older and older, and time seems to be more and more in short supply, these are the questions I find myself pondering more and more.

For example, right now, as part of my pastoral appointment, I (ahem) get to preach every Sunday. And I will confess that this post is being written as part of my sermon preparation procrastination ritual. There are times...most every Sunday, to be honest, that I feel that my task is an awesome one (in the literal sense of the word). That, to be able to approach the Scriptures during the week on behalf of the congregation, pray for a word of good news, and deliver it artfully is a task that should not be taken lightly and a task that I am proud and honored to call mine.

But, the path to get there is not always an easy one. In fact, its sometime a burdening one. There's always a sermon to be preparing. Its like laundry or dishes...the task is never finished. As one of my professors jokes, "Sunday comes with amazing regularity". And, often times, during my sermon preparation, I wonder if its really worth it all. I know that the words that come out of my mouth on Sunday mornings are meaningful to at least a few in my congregation...the tell me so. But do they make a difference? In their private lives, in the life of the community...does what I do really matter? Is it really worth doing?

I think this is probably a question that I will revisit time and time again throughout my ministry. Maybe even weekly or daily. And while it causes me some angst, its probably a good question to ask, lest we get in a rut of doing things just because we've always done them.

But, in my case, I'll never be able to fully answer that question. The work of God comes slowly...imperceptibly at times. I have to trust that its being done, even when I can't see it or feel it. But there are little glimpses of hope along the way, like road reflectors that assure you you're still on the right path in the middle of the dark night. And, for right now, I can hang my hat on two things:

(1) I know that ministry is happening through the fact that I take the time to faithfully prepare my sermons. My congregations appreciates the preparation. Its not something they've always had, and it shows them I care about them and our church.

(2) The preparation feeds and forms me. I don't always feel it, but one of the biggest reasons that I got into the ministry is because its awesome to be paid to spend your days caring about people and reading and thinking and writing. If nothing else, I know that the time I put into grappling with the text shapes and molds me.

So, for now, that has to be enough. My work ethic and sense of commitment lead me to work hard at my ministerial tasks, and my prayer is that I will be continue to be wise enough to be able to see that they are worth doing.

And, now, back to getting this sermon on paper...

6 Months!

Didn't I just write the 5 month post, like, last week? Time sure does fly (and now I know I'm really old because only old people talk like that). Charlotte's chuggin' along, doing really well.

In the last month,

- she's successfully weaned the Miracle Blanket, a feat that was much less traumatic than I anticipated.

- she's gotten really really proficient at rolling over purposefully. We can place her on a blanket and, within seconds, she's rolled to the other side of the room. Her most common nickname currently is "roley poley".

- we've confirmed that she's still allergic to cow's milk, due to some hidden milk proteins in her rice cereal that was clearly marked "dairy free". The good news is that it was the milk proteins (which we already knew she was allergic to), and not another allergy.

- we've begun veggies in addition to her rice cereal. So far she's just had carrots, but we're looking forward to some squash this weekend. I made both of the kids' baby food, and I love it! Its such a simple hobby, but a fun way for me to rest my mind for a while and do something good for my kiddos.

- Charlotte charms everyone with her smiles. When she's happy, she's really happy, and she'll share her heart-melting grin with anyone who will eat it up.

- she's learned to talk...well, babble...but its clear she has something to say. She just woke up one morning emphatically saying profound things such as "boo, boo, BAH, bo.." The best part is that she loves to carry on nonsense conversations with us.

- she hasn't quite mastered the art of sitting on her own. (Its a really hard thing to do when your torso makes up a good 4/5 of your whole body, leaving only tiny legs to support it all!) She's working on it though. I suspect it won't be long.

- she hasn't gotten any teeth yet, but the whole teething process is sure giving her a run for her money. Soon enough, sweet girl.

- I'm guessing that her current weight is around 15 lbs., but we'll get an official number at her 6 month doctor's visit on Friday.

I LOVE that grin!

Elizabeth wanted in on the picture taking fun too. Sweet sisters.

Sleeping Beauties

Between Great and Perfect

I had coffee last night with a dear friend. As all women do, I think, when they finally have a few minutes to get away from the grind of daily life and kids and family and housework, we spent much of the evening talking about...our children.

Seems kind of counter-intuitive, but that's what we do with our time "away".

Anyhow, I believe that Charlotte is likely our last child. My husband is pretty set on that, and I think I know in my heart that two children is our family's capacity. But there's that part of a women that always wants another baby. And maybe, for me, its not even so much about wanting another baby, but more about not wanting to close the childbearing chapter in my book of life and move on to the next chapter. Regardless, I've been very mindful of the fact that this could be my last "everything" as Charlotte has grown (too fast!) over the past six months, trying to savor and ponder every moment.

And, even as I'm growing into the reality that we're probably done having children, there's still a part of me that grieves.

But my dear friend told me of a conversation she had recently had with her apparently very wise sister-in-law, who had been struggling with wanting another child for quite a while. She finally came to the realization that we have an idea in our head of what the "perfect family" looks like. And this elusive perfection is something that we can never attain, regardless of how many children or how much money or how much time we have. She confessed that she had spent many years believing that if they could just have that one other child, that their family would be "perfect".

But, then...somehow, her mindset began to shift. Instead of focusing on the unattainable "perfect", she began to be able to see the already-present "great". She began to see that what she already had was wonderful, precious, a blessing...and complete.

The difference between great and perfect is so tiny, but if we spend our time focusing on the perfect that will never be, we miss the great that is right in front of (and in!) us.

This is good stuff. Really good. And I believe with all my heart that when we quit pining for more - the unattainable perfect, but begin to see the great that is already present in life, well, in some paradoxical way, it actually makes this life perfect.

"The Princess Ship"

Elizabeth is just starting to get good at holding and controlling writing instruments. She has learned how to write her name, and she's just started to develop the patience to sit long enough to color an entire picture. Here's her first complete picture, yesterday's masterpiece. She says its called "The Princess Ship." Now, one day, you can say you knew her in her early days when her medium of choice was crayon on typing paper.

Updated to add: The title of this piece is somewhat in dispute, as she refered to it yesterday as "The Fairy Boat."

Unbelievable.

Last night, Charlotte was up 4 or 5 times. About the 3rd time, we realized that she had rolled over onto her tummy - in her Miracle Blanket! Now, we're big lovers of the MB at our house, and we expected to swaddle her much longer, but I when read that tummy swaddling increases the chance of SIDS by 1200%, it was clear that we had to be done with the much-loved Miracle Blanket.

I've been fretting about this, although, surprisingly, not too terribly much, because I had a plan in place. I was braced and prepared for the two or three nights of crying (Charlotte too) because she couldn't soothe herself without the swaddle. I knew it was going to be a long few nights, and I was prepared...but if I'm honest, I was dreading the stress of it all.

Her teachers put her down without it today at school, and she did about as expected. The first nap was frantically awful. She just couldn't figure out what to do with her flailing arms. The next two naps, she finally rolled herself over onto her tummy, and then was asleep within ten minutes. The second of those - the "long" nap of the day, she was awake again within 45 minutes, but after 20 minutes of light fussing (not even crying), she was back asleep for another hour. And tonight? Well, here's a picture of her no more than 5 minutes after I put her down on her back.




Unbelievable. I hope this means good things are ahead.

Cereal Time!

So Charlotte had her first cereal this weekend. I personally wasn't sure she was ready for it (she still can't sit up on her own and the breast milk is seeming to suffice her just fine), but she's 5 1/2 months old, and her GI warned us about starting too late. Seeing as how we've already had allergy issues with her, we didn't want to wait too long. So, this weekend was her big debut! Now begins a whole new world for her, and for us!!

First bite. She didn't take right to it, but she didn't reject it either. It was more like she didn't really know what to do with it. I think I made it too runny, so we'll try to do better next time on that front. (I forgot how it keeps getting runnier the longer it sits...how quickly we forget things from the last baby!)

All and all, a success. I think more ended up on her bib than in her tummy, but hey, it was a first try!

Happy 4th of July Weekend! (A Little Late)

Our July 4th weekend was packed! The girls had the annual "4th of July Parade and Picnic" at their school, I had a final that day in my summer class, we had relatives in from out of town for Elizabeth's 3rd birthday party, regular Sunday service at my church...and, on top of all of that, the matriarch of my church died on Wednesday, so I had a funeral to conduct Friday and Saturday (2 hours away from our home, might I add). But with the help of lots of wonderful family, we pulled it all off and a great time was had by all! Happy 4th, y'all!

Happy Birthday, Elizabeth!

Dear Elizabeth,

Well, you're officially a "big girl" now. There's nothing about you that screams baby -or toddler, for that matter, any more. You're growing up...and nothing makes me more proud than to watch you from a distance and see what a wonderful little girl you're becoming.

You're so smart. Really. I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm your mamma. You amaze us every day with the new things your know. Just the other day you were helping your Amma make your birthday cake, and you told her which colors to mix together to get the icing colors you wanted. You can spell - and write! - your name all by yourself. You seem to think you need help with the Z and the B, but I'm convinced that you could do it by yourself if you wanted to. You're just soaking up the world of knowledge around you, figuring out how things work more and more every day.

You love art. At school, y'all get to do a lot of paining and watercolor and coloring and collages every day, and you eat that up. You're willing to spend a lot longer on each of your masterpieces than your peers, something that consistently impresses your teachers. You also love music. You love singing - in English and Spanish - and making music with all your instruments. Sometimes the racket starts to bother me, but I'm glad you have an appreciation for these things. Maybe sometime in the near future we can start to refine your interests. :-)

And, most importantly, you're growing into a kind and compassionate little girl. You love your sister immensely, you work hard to get along with your friends at school (even the ones that are not so easy to get along with), and you're starting to understanding that not everybody is as lucky as we are, and care about them. I'm proud of you. You teach me about the important things in life everyday.

So Happy Birthday, Elizabeth. I'm lucky to be your mamma. Keep growing and learning and loving.

Love you,
Mamma